Cutting Edge Coaching

The Serenity Prayer's Evolution

After I published “The Wisdom Prayer” post, one of my readers ‘schooled’ me about the Prayer.  The original poem is attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971), an American theologian, liberal intellectual, and one of the most influential ministers of the 1940s and 1950s in public affairs. It was originally printed as a single prose sentence; but today, it’s most commonly seen as a three-line poem.  Also, a longer version incorporating a whole new section can be found, but the new lines may have been added by William Spence in 1953.  Despite some mild controversy over its real authorship and the variations that have proliferated in the public domain, it’s still a powerful and provocative poem.  As I reflect on the longer version, maybe my next new title for the poem should be “The Faith Prayer”.  What would you name it? 

The Serenity Prayer

 

God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

If I surrender to His Will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him

Forever and ever in the next.

Tough Love Coaching

Good coaching is rooted in compassion, support, respect, rapport, and encouragement. Clients are on a personal journey to discover new pathways in their lives and create new realities. Sometimes the most compassionate and supportive thing for a coach to do is speak the raw truth. And sometimes that honest, unvarnished truth hurts—it can be painful for the client to hear. 

 

So out of our good intentions, we may be reluctant to cause pain.  It certainly doesn’t feel good, and it might be easier to just let it be.  But isn’t that what good coaching is sometimes—tough love?  We say what’s there as well as we can discern it, and then it’s up to the client to decide how to handle what they hear.  It is often in our most challenging situations that we grow the most.  Thus, wrapped in compassion and care, a great coach will “call it like it is”, even when it hurts. 

The Wisdom Prayer

I think the Serenity Prayer really should be named the Wisdom Prayer. It sublimely calls out three things that have guided my decisions and actions for decades now--Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom. If you could ask my dad (who is passed now), he'd say I've probably had a big dose of courage most of my life. I was his "substitute boy", since he only had girls--four in all. I'm pretty fearless. Then, through a lot of therapy, coaching, and being a mother (thanks Michelle and Paul), I've learned a lot about Serenity. Kids, especially as teenagers, have a way of force-feeding Serenity to parents, don't you think? But Wisdom. . . . Now that's a lot more difficult. As I've gotten older, I think I'm wiser, but I still grapple with differentiating "what I can and cannot change" so many times. I'm headstrong and idealist--"you can do whatever you put your mind to" has been a lifelong mantra. So I really think the trickiest part of life is in finding the Wisdom to know the difference! "God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change; the COURAGE to change the things I can; and the WISDOM to know the difference."

     Creating a good career plan is simple but not easy.  I work with clients all the time who know how to run their business, but don't really know how to manage their careers.  My suggestion is to start with the end in mind—a vision—but that is not always obvious.

     So, first, get clear about “who you are”.  What are your special gifts and unique talents?  Inventory your skills and capabilities.  Focus on what you are good at, and don’t spend so much time “developing” your weaknesses.  Also, understand your particular personality traits and “styles”.  There are a variety of excellent assessment instruments that can be used to gain a thorough, abstract view of yourself.  The ones I suggest you consider are:  Campbell Interests and Skills Survey (CISS) (profiler.com); Motivational Appraisal for Personal Potential (MAPP) (assessment.com); and StrengthsFinder Profile (strengthsfinder.com). 

     Then, once you have a fix on who YOU are, you should explore what you really LOVE.  What are you passionate about?  What subjects capture your imagination and grab your attention on a regular basis?  Once you have uncovered your true passions in life, there are lots of ways to DO what you love (or something close to it).  Here are some ideas:

·        Do it.

·        Work for a company that does it.

·        Provide a service related to it.

·        Teach it.

·        Write about it.

·        Etc.

     Now, create your vision.  What do you want to be doing in 10-15 years?  Get out of your own way—suspend your doubt.  Think big.  Create your dream job.  Write down your important goals.  Where will you be?  What kind of company or people will you be working with?  What level of management do you aspire to?  What will 75% of your time consist of? 

     Once your VISION is defined, compare it to where you are now, and list the gaps.  For each gap, compile the steps necessary to close the gaps.  What is the most logical thing to do next?   Choose a few goals that can be accomplished first, and so on.  A CAREER PLAN will emerge.   Give yourself targets and dates.  But be realistic about the time and money required.

     Taking that first step in your plan is the most critical.  Just like the advice Dr. Leo Marvin (Richard Dreyfuss) gave Bob Wiley (Bill Murray) in the movie What About Bob? (1991), “Baby steps, Bob, baby steps. . . .”  Every baby step forward is a giant step toward your ultimate career and personal contentment. 

     Yes, it’s simple, but not necessarily easy.  Consider finding a career coach to help you through the process and to support you through the transition.  Investments in training and support here pay off in thousands of ways!

‘CAREER PLAN’—OXYMORON?

ox·y·mo·ron (äk-sE-'mor-"än) n. a combination of contradictory or incongruous words (as cruel kindness); something (as a concept) that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements . . . .

     Are you someone who has carefully planned most steps in your career?  If so, you’re one of the few.  Most people would admit that they don’t have—and have never had—a career plan.  In fact, most careers are products of “happenstance”, not planning.  Thus, we find that a “career plan” is actually an oxymoron.  Sad, really, but true. 

     A specific course of study (resulting in an undergraduate degree or technical qualification) is often chosen because of various outside factors:  parents, counselors, cost, logistics, and more.  Most, however, are unrelated to our true passion.  We often end up spending 20 years or more in unsatisfying jobs, just to discover at mid-career that a major change is necessary. 

     Most executives admit that their careers have evolved based on opportunism, hard work, and sometimes luck.  The truth is that many savvy executives manage their business goals far better than they manage their careers, leaving them sometimes displaced or dissatisfied with their ultimate achievements.  Of course, at this stage, a dramatic career shift can be difficult, not to mention expensive, and . . .scary.   What can be done about it?   Two things:  1) start very early in your career with a career plan, or 2) if it’s too late for that, create a career plan right now, and get on with it. 

     Successful businesses always have plans—strategic and tactical.  Effective action follows the creation of a meaningful plan.  Significant insight and discovery about the business is, in fact, derived from the planning process itself.  A career planning process can also deliver the same kind of insight and discovery.  Because there are so many options and avenues to consider, having a plan will allow you to focus time and energy productively on achieving maximum career satisfaction.  Life is just too short not to be having fun every day and feeling a sense of accomplishment and pride in what you achieve. 

Say What?

I am frequently asked, “What can I be coached about?” My answer is simple--just about anything!  Ask yourself: is there something that is getting in my way of being a great leader, finding that perfect job, or achieving what I really want in my life? Coaching can close the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. You can work with a coach on your relationships, your job, your looks, your money, or whatever else is bogging you down. Whatever you want to change in your life can usually be the focus of coaching.

The real answer, then, is “What are you willing to work on to change?” The results are up to you. YOU are the master and creator of your own future. Your coach will help you sort through the clutter that is distracting you from your goal. She will challenge your assumptions, encourage you to re-evaluate your needs, help you create actions plans and goals, and support your efforts. A sage, a guide, a cheerleader. But doing the “work” is up to you. No pain, no gain.  You will get results that are commensurate with your own willingness to be open and to dedicate yourself to achieving your goal.

Do YOU Have a Coach?

Do you have a personal coach?  If so, congratulations! You're experiencing the cutting edge of professional and personal development.  If not, why not?  It might be just the thing for you. Many people believe that senior executives are the only people who work with coaches.  However, coaching is much more wide ranging than that. And it’s gaining in popularity and use for people at all levels and in all stages of life. It’s more mainstream today than ever before! 

Coaches are trained to be facilitators and catalysts—they provide an ongoing partnership designed to help their clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives.  Professional coaches are trained to listen, to observe, to give feedback, and to customize their approach to each client’s needs. They are uniquely able to offer guidance and insights from an outside, independent point of view. They will advise you, guide you, challenge you, and encourage you to go beyond self-imposed limitations in order to realize your full potential. 

Beware though:  Coaching is NOT THERAPY.  Coaches focus with their client on life and work issues from the perspective of “where are you now” and “where do you want to go”. Therapists, on the other hand, delve into clinical analysis generally from a historical point of view, and focus on diagnosis and treatment. Many therapists may even use some coaching techniques and vernacular, but coaches may not cross the line into therapy—it's a licensed and regulated profession. 

Choosing between the two is sometimes a personal choice depending on the severity of the issue and the circumstance.  I have a friend with a teenage son who was acting up in a variety of self-destructive ways.  He was in therapy for three years, and nothing seemed to stem the downward spiral.  Late last year, he started working a life coach who is also a chemical dependency counselor, and within a couple of months, he started turning his life around. Of course, there are so many factors in each case that no generalizations should be made. But personal coaching can be very, very effective. If you are stuck in some part of your life, consider finding a coach. It could be the best investment of time and money you ever made.

Getting Unstuck

The single most powerful reason we find ourselves stuck in our jobs or careers is FEAR.  Fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of failure. . . .   Further, the single most common source of that fear is MONEY.  I'll bet that doesn't surprise most of you, and it certainly rings true in my life. 

I might have left my corporate life earlier if I had not been so concerned about paying my bills.  As a single mom with a lot of overhead, I found myself "settling" over and over again because I was worried about my income.  I have friends that are stuck today--in "bad" jobs, in "bad" marriages, and more--because of money concerns.

So what can we do?  I think we've got to do two basic things.  First, we have to examine our deep personal relationship to money, and by extension, things.  How important are those things to us?  The big house, the new car, private schools. . . .  I used to feel lousy when my car reached it's third birthday.  Time to start looking for the next new one.   We get so spoiled, and our lifestyles lock us into certain expectations--our life's paradigms.  Once we can let go of the majority of these "must haves", we can begin to look at our lives, careers, and relationships from a healthier and more freeing point of view.  We can start making choices that bring real happiness and joy, that feed our soul, and don't drain our hearts and energy dry. 

The other thing we can do is have FAITH.  I do believe that we all have a purpose on this planet in this lifetime.  It's not always easy to figure out, but when you do, you know it.  Once you find your purpose and stay true to it, then I also believe that "worldly" things will be taken care of.   Somehow you will find yourself getting paid for that thing that you love to do and that you feel you are supposed to be doing.  From my own personal experience in the last few years (remember the recession?), I have occasionally found myself  wondering  how I was going to pay rent that month.  Then, out of nowhere, a check appears, a client calls, a new project lands on my desk.  I still get nervous once and awhile, but when I do, I remind myself that the Universe (or God) will provide--and she always does. 

So, dive in, make the changes in your life that will bring you real joy and peace, and then trust that the rest will fall into place! 

Where did the entrepreneurs go?

The Apprentice places a premium on individuals with an entrepreneurial spirit.  Entrepreneurs, by definition, are the little guys who take on the big guys with creativity, spirit, and indefatigable belief in their ability to win.

In the most recent episode, both teams were asked to create a bridal salon.  The team that was the most profitable in selling gowns and accessories won.  The “big guys” took the form of the Mosaic team because they were blessed with an expert – Sandy’s business in real life was running a bridal salon!  The entrepreneurial “little guys” should have been the Apex team.  However, almost from the start, they believed they couldn’t win because the other team had Sandy.  In the end, Mosaic obliterated them12:1.  Business talent or self-fulfilling prophecy?

So where was the David vs. Goliath, Erin Brochovich vs. Pacific Power and Electric, or small towns in New England vs. Wal-Mart?    Our society is filled with examples of the little guy rising to the challenge of the situation – being smarter, more creative, quicker, and more motivated – and winning!  As Donald Trump pointed out, there was no spark from anyone on the Apex team during the entire project. 

Strong leadership can gavanize even disparate and dysfunctional groups to defy the odds.  Apex gave up before the battle even started, and the leader didn’t shake them out of their apathy.  Despite help from a salon “expert” and reasonable inventory, they could not muster the energy or excitement to draw others in, create a market, and a win.

Decision Blunders

All I can say tonight is that I'm so glad Raj is finally gone.  He's charming, attractive, smart, but too arrogant and full of himself.  And in last week's episode, the NYPD marketing gig, he was just a bully. 

He seemed to be a better leader tonight, though, than I expected.  He also behaved quite professionally in the board room, which actually surprised me.  In the end, he just made too many strategic blunders in the project, the most glaring of which was to knock down a wall between two bedrooms.  As a real estate professional, shouldn't he have known that 4 bedrooms would appraise higher than 3, even if one of the three was larger?  And then the contractor was a disaster, and the house wasn't even finished when the appraisers came through.  Just too many mistakes got him fired.  (And I didn't like him anyway.)